My employer has hooked up my fellow employees and I with a new boot supplier. I was going through their catalog and found, what I believe should be the new standard issue footwear for all the soldiers in the VRWC's Jackboot Brigades.

Let me describe the boot to you. They are made of full grain leather on the outside and Kevlar on the inside. They have both a steel toe and a built-in metatarsal guard along with a stainless steel bottom plate so that if you step on a protester's dropped sign as you are chasing them out of the street, your feet are protected all the way around.

They are shock proof and shed static electricity so that when you knock down their stage and 220V audio equipment at a demonstration with a fire hose, you won't get electrocuted.

They are heat resistant and fire proof so that after you set fire to their homes and are walking through the ashes, you are protected from the calf down.

They are waterproof all the way up to the calf as well. You can slosh your way through hippie and anarcho-commie blood, saliva and entrails up to 10 inches deep without getting your socks dirty. You know those socks that are being specially manufactured in Wolfowitz's central asian sweatshops for the Brigades. You certainly don't want those to get dirty. We need the bleach to pour down the throats of the Gitmo prisoners.

The best thing about them is the new toe design. Called the "Tiger Tip", it is ribbed for your pleasure. Just image the look on the face of the next hippie as you remove these stompers from their ass after being ankle deep.

And remember, hippies wear hemp and these full grain leather boots are clean again after just one wipe with that abrasive material.